Emergency Bars

Chocolate and butterscotch cookie bars with a graham crust.

Ingredients

• 1.5c graham caucasian person crumbs
• 1 stick of butter
• a small can of sweetened condensed milk
• two packages of semi-sweet chocolate chips (i used milk chocolate because i am probably going to get type 2 diabetes at some point in my life so i?m living it up now)
• one package of butterscotch chips (i used two because, like i said, future diabetes)

Instructions

STEP 1:

Pictorial guide available at my blog: http://cookingformorons.Tumblr.Com/post/34181696153/how-to-make-delicious-gooey-bars-of-delight

STEP 2:

STEP 3:

so apparently the word for

STEP 4:

STEP 5:

step one: drop that stick of butter in that pan.

STEP 6:

STEP 7:

step two: preheat your oven to 350 degrees and stick that pan in the oven while it?s heating up.

STEP 8:

STEP 9:

step three: check back every couple minutes (make those checks closer together as the oven gets hotter) to see if the butter?s melted. As soon as it?s melted, take it out.

STEP 10:

STEP 11:

step four: sprinkle 1 1/2 cups of graham crumbs over that there butter. If you buy one of those little boxes of crumbs, you don?t even have to measure. That box is about a cup and a half, you?re good.

STEP 12:

STEP 13:

step five: sprinkle an evenly-distributed layer of them chocolate chips over your crust. You?ll have some big gaps at this stage. Whatevs, it?s all good. Important: do not poke the chips around. Let em fall where they fall. If you poke the chips around, you risk dislodging your beautiful crust, which will lead to chocolate chips on the bottom of the pan. They will burn there, and burnt chocolate is an absolute travesty.

STEP 14:

STEP 15:

step six: toss down a layer of butterscotch chips. You?ll still see some graham through a few gaps at this point, but it?s pretty much covered.

STEP 16:

STEP 17:

step seven: moar chocolate chips. Throw down the other bag.

STEP 18:

STEP 19:

step eight: if you?re disgusting like me this is where you throw another layer of butterscotch chips down. If you do, don?t use the whole package. Use half of it at most or your bars won?t stick together. Everybody else: grab that can of condensed milk and do some fancy drizzlin? work over top of everything. Condensed milk is very forgiving. It pours pretty slowly. I like to make drizzly patterns going first one way and then the other, and then some loopy curls for coverage, and then i start trying to draw things. By that point i?m probably out of condensed milk.

STEP 20:

STEP 21:

step nine: pop that nonsense in the oven. It should be done preheating by now. If not, wait and whine at it til it is. Cook for 20-30 minutes. 25 is usually perfect, but check after 20 just in case. If the condensed milk is brown around the outer edges, you?re good. Ideally the condensed milk in the middle should also be a little brown, but sometimes your oven is terrible and cooks the outside faster than the inside, and i?d rather have a bit slightly less melted together than have?burnt chocolate.

STEP 22:

STEP 23:

step ten: take that noise out. Let it cool for a good while before you cut it. If you cut it when it?s too warm they melt back together. I suggest cutting it all at once, or assholes in your house will take disproportionately sized pieces. Can be eaten by hand or with a fork, depending on how well your particular batch clung together/how long you waited before trying to eat your cookie bars. As i use way more chips than necessary, i usually have to use a fork. Do not eat when it?s hot. You will absolutely burn the life out of your mouth and be sad forever.